Mental Stretching: How to Build Psychological Flexibility
If you want more flexible muscles, you need to practice stretching your body in the right way. It takes intention, repetition, and care. In a similar way, learning to be more psychologically flexible involves training and practicing skills in various domains. This kind of flexibility helps us respond more effectively to life’s challenges, stay grounded in what matters most, and make choices that are aligned with our values—even in the face of discomfort.
Psychological flexibility isn’t about “thinking positively” or pushing away difficult feelings. It’s about building the ability to adapt, stay present, and take meaningful action, even when life gets hard. And like any skill, it can be learned and strengthened over time.
Here are some core practices that help build psychological flexibility:
Loosen the Grip of Unhelpful Thoughts
Our minds are constantly generating thoughts—some helpful, others less so. Psychological flexibility involves learning to recognize unhelpful thoughts and loosen their grip, so they don’t dictate our behavior.
This doesn’t mean eliminating negative thoughts altogether (which isn’t realistic), but rather creating some space between ourselves and those thoughts. By noticing them without getting entangled, we give ourselves more freedom to choose how we want to act.
Embrace the Full Range of Emotions
Many of us have learned to avoid or suppress painful feelings. But emotions—pleasant or painful—are a normal part of being human. Psychological flexibility involves making room for the full range of emotional experiences, rather than fighting them or shutting them down.
When we allow ourselves to fully feel, we gain access to the messages our emotions are trying to communicate. This openness helps us respond with more clarity and compassion toward ourselves and others.
Reorient to the Present Moment
The present moment is the only place where life actually happens. Yet our minds often drag us into the past or launch us into the future. Training ourselves to reorient to the present allows us to access what are often called “choice points”—opportunities to pause, take a breath, and choose actions that are aligned with our values.
Being present also helps reduce overwhelm and brings more awareness to our internal experience and surroundings.
Shift Perspectives and Self-Story
Take a moment to consider the question: “Who are you?”
The answer that comes to mind is your “self story”—a mental narrative built from memories, beliefs, and identity labels. It’s normal (and even useful) to have a self story (I have one in my “About” section), but problems can arise when we start to believe that we are completely that story.
Being overly identified with this story can fuel harsh self-talk and limit our ability to be kind, compassionate, or flexible with ourselves. Psychological flexibility invites us to hold our self-story more lightly. In therapy, we can explore different perspectives and connect with a deeper, more compassionate sense of self—one that isn't confined by old narratives, but open to growth and change.
Clarify Values and Priorities
Knowing what truly matters to you is a cornerstone of psychological flexibility. When life feels chaotic or uncertain, values can act like a compass—guiding your choices and helping you find your way back to what’s most meaningful.
Therapy can be a supportive space to explore your values and clarify your priorities. This clarity not only informs the direction you want to move in but also helps you stay grounded when things get tough.
Make Meaningful Choices
Once you’re clearer about your values and can notice unhelpful thoughts and emotions without being driven by them, you’re better equipped to take effective action. This might mean setting boundaries, starting something new, or simply taking a small step toward something that matters to you.
Making choices based on what you care about often results in a life that feels more purposeful and aligned—even when challenges show up along the way.
Final Thoughts
Psychological flexibility is not about perfection. It’s about being able to show up for your life with openness, presence, and intention—even when it’s uncomfortable. Just like physical stretching, mental stretching is something you can return to again and again.
Whether you're facing stress, transitions, or simply seeking to live with more intention, building psychological flexibility is a powerful way to support your mental and emotional wellbeing.
If you're interested in learning more or working with a therapist on developing these skills, I’m based in Arlington, VA and offer therapy focused on helping individuals live with greater clarity, resilience, and compassion.